Date Published 08 February 2016
As a Londoner, getting on a bus is sometimes unavoidable. While some people's best advice about the most detested mode of public transport is to avoid them at all costs, we've put together a list of things that should help you on your bus adventure — just make sure you don't do any of them.
1. Ask the bus driver where the bus goes
For one thing, the bus driver will have no interest in listing places in London to you and will probably ignore you as he is chatting to his mate on the radio. Secondly, as you've stopped to loom as close as possible to that smeared plastic divider that bus drivers hide behind, your naivety is busy plugging up the bus entrance.
2. Press the stop bell more than once
As a nation, we no longer deliver capital punishment, although many Londoners have reconsidered its use when faced with someone who leans on the bell button on the bus - or even worse, keeps pressing it for 'fun'. Being thrown over speed-bumps while avoiding the drips of ice cream from the child next to you and then having to listen to a continuous bus-bell soundtrack is worse than listening to 'Let It Go' on repeat for the fortieth time while trying to make a Jamie Oliver recipe. It's stressful.
3. Have a Suitcase
The unwritten rule of the bus network is that you should never bring anything larger than a handbag on a bus. Of course, huge buggies and screaming children are allowed, but that cabin-sized wheelie suitcase... what were you thinking? As soon as you crash through the door with your rush-hour elegance and start wheeling that monstrosity down the aisle, the other passengers will recoil with horror. Just the sound of luggage wheel on bus floor will evoke even more disgust than a bus driver discovering a secret nail painter on his wagon.
4. Wear Headphones
People can get annoyed with the music coming through your headphones, but that's not the reason you shouldn't wear them. Your ears must remain free of plugs because there is basically a soap opera going on around you and you won't want to miss a moment.
5. Go Upstairs
You aren't a child anymore, so the desire to sit at the front of the bus should be gone.